Our Words Yield Incredible Power
Our Words Yield More Power Than We Can Comprehend
Words Spoken in Love are Mirrors Helping Us See What Is and Create What Will Be
We are surrounded by many people screaming their message loudly and clamoring for attention. But who will you tune into? We live in a world filled with people shouting their messages and vying for attention. But whose voice will you choose to listen to?
In December 2024, I received a Christmas gift that I will always remember. It was a present that I could gradually unpack throughout the year, and it remains with me today, even though the final piece has now been revealed.
An image of a clear jar labeled “Ball” shows it is a Mason Jar.
Though one could argue the gift was bits of paper, I would say that each portion of this gift served as a mirror for me, crafted by those I love and who love me so I could know how the gift-givers feel about me and helped me see myself more clearly.
Image of a gold vintage mirror against a brick wall that has different colors of paint with layers of the paint peeling.
More about that gift in a moment.
First, let’s see if we agree that words are fundamental to our relationships, communities, and world.
Words Matter.
We can not overstate the influence of words. As I have been reflecting on why that is and what it was that made this present extra special for me, it is because of these three things:
Words yield incredible power.
Words can shift our thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Words are vehicles of truth.
Words lovingly spoken or written can help us endure suffering.
Words yield incredible power. They can inspire us whether we say them to ourselves, hear them spoken to us by others, or listen as they are communicated to others, whether in person or virtually. Though these words can inspire and improve us, they can confuse and frustrate us.
Regardless, words are never powerless. Even in an actual state of confusion, when a person is sick and delirious, and the words they string together are not entirely coherent, even if their words sound more like moans, they are still communicating. Those around them must listen and communicate back in a way they can hear. What if we used such great care in our day-to-day conversations as well?
Words can shift our thoughts, feelings, and actions. They can also change our minds—a strong argument, a carefully crafted description, or the right illustration, when we listen to hear and understand, can shift our thoughts and decisions. Words can also change our next steps and, thus, the cascade of events that happen next.
I can think of moments when I felt confident about what to do next. But, then, through speaking with a friend, a mentor, or a parent who has known me all along, my thinking can shift. As a result of them listening and us reflecting, I have seen more options. It always amazes me when I realize I see a new option I did not previously see. There, I thought my decision had to be “this” or “that,” but then there was “this third path” after all. Other times, I have entirely changed my stance or decision from “this” to “that” and gained new confidence through reflection, mirroring, and consideration. I know I’m not alone in this. Can you remember a time when this has happened to you? What stands out about that memory for you?
It always amazes me to experience or observe others pivot entirely from a previous stance on an issue or decision. That pivot can happen suddenly and, as a result, improve our thoughts, mood, decision-making, and consciousness of why we are doing what we are doing. It can change how we see things around us in the present and long into the future.
Words can help us cope with suffering and adversity. In 2024, I witnessed deep and unspeakable suffering and grieved what had been lost or changed over this past year. I hope you have also had people bear witness and walk (and crawl, if necessary) through those hard places with you. I have also experienced many times over the lesson of how much we need community with others to share our joy and sorrow.
Words are vehicles of truth.
Words are powerful tools that can help us see and communicate truth. Sometimes, a person will dismiss it with, “We just spoke for a few minutes, but I know I walked away having clarity on what I needed to do.” Or, that classic experience in which a person says, “I have thought about it for months, but then my friend said “This,” and I realized it was not worth it anymore. I was ready to let it go.”
The concept of “eyes wide open” has become a core value of mine. I try to live my life with “eyes wide open,” not looking to see what is comfortable, familiar, or fits my expectations and hopes; instead, I look to listen, observe, process, understand, and gather more information that could guide me to a new understanding. Deep down, we all want that, but the way is much more difficult.
Eyes wide open became a guiding concept for me twenty years ago this year. I was going through an incredibly difficult time. Life as I knew it was suddenly changing, and I had to grapple with the tricky question of “What do I do next?” when every option seemed impossible. In retrospect, I see many ways that period of time shaped me into who I am, and I am grateful for it.
The person who said, “Keep your eyes wide open,” urged me not to “just wait and see” or ignore what could be evidence to consider but rather to take action. They encouraged me to lean in, ask hard questions, and trust that I would have the divine wisdom I needed and know what to do next. I found that to be true.
I gained more wisdom after I had the facts, and this perspective made the next steps crystal clear, even though they were still difficult.
I want to be known for speaking words of truth with tenderness, not provocatively, “I’ll get the last word” spirit. I don’t want to convince myself of anything that is not true. I also know I have a tendency to speak words to myself to “motivate myself” that I would not say to you or anyone else. These words drive tension and apprehension in me, and the result of this is visible to those around me even if I don’t speak them out loud. The science and practice of self-compassion, which Dr. Kristin Neff has trailblazed, provides excellent tools to help address that. You can also see my previous posts, including Personal Pilgrimage and Reclaiming: Asking Questions Only We Can Answer, where I have discussed self-compassion and provided additional practices.
I am committed to not creating a story in my mind or speaking words out loud that don’t align with my values. This helps stop fear that can pop into my head on any day. It stops it in its tracks. I don’t want my mind to be filled with words inside (thoughts are just words we say to ourselves internally)
You probably wonder, “When will she get to the gift and paper being mirrors?”
I’ve been excited to get to that too. So here it is:
This 2023 Christmas gift held my attention throughout 2024.
I received the jar pictured below from my sister Dawn, brother-in-law Michael, nephew Cole, and Neice Cadence.
An image of a clear jar labeled “Ball” shows it is a Mason Jar. Behind it are small pieces of brightly colored paper with handwritten phrases on each of them.
I can not fully describe the joy on their faces when I opened it, but trust me, it was there. Cole and Cadence, with their standard unbridled joy, initially tried to hold back a smile in a cool way but, in the end, gave fully into the broadest of smiles. My sister’s quiet confidence that my delight in this gift would not disappoint them. Michael watched it all unfold.
It was a jar. So I opened a couple to test it out and realized how much fun this present would be to unpack; I’ll tell you what I found.
They called it an affirmation jar. Michael added, “It is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’ll get.” (so true, Michael and Forrest Gump!)
They each had taken time and handwritten on the pieces of paper things that:
they liked about me
that they are proud of what I do or have done
are quotes they knew I would love and/or would serve as reminders for me
reminded me of good memories they don’t want me to forget.
So, on Christmas Morning, holding this jar, I strongly desired to open all these bits of paper at once! There is no doubt they knew I would be tempted.
But I decided to set up a rhythm that each weekend, typically on Sunday morning during my writing time, I would open one. I quickly realized I didn’t want to lose these simple but powerful pieces of paper. And it was fun to see them side by side (that is the researcher part of me coming out - what are the themes? What is the next level of analysis?) and in the order I opened them.
A handwritten affirmation from my brother-in-law, Michael, reads, “You are a great mentor to the next generation of researchers.” I love my work, but some days, it feels like chaos…, so these words affirm my hope that I help junior scientists reach their full potential and do so with joy and passion.
And my sister wrote, “I love reading your blog and your insights on life.” That is a beautiful reminder on days like this where a release and post, I know I feel like I need to write, but I wonder if others will read it, if it will make sense, and if it will help anyone.
I looked forward to seeing them fully in front of me, so I began using a glue stick to add them to the front of my current journal - this way, they would be preserved. When I look at it today, as you see it below, it floods me with joy, and for the science lovers out there - the neurotransmitters dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine. Further evidence is that our words and thoughts are powerful; they set off neurochemical reactions in our brains!
The first one I opened was “Home is wherever I’m with you,” written in Cadence's 9-year-old script. I will always love that one, and I look forward to showing it to her in the future. It also captures how I feel about her.
Other Affirmations
Made me laugh
“Everything is better with candy”. I loved this light-hearted one, and it is true.
Others were much deeper - “You are such a great sister. I am so thankful for you!” and another one, “You love Cole and Cadence so well. Best Aunt ever!” AH, this is one of my life goals. These people and my relationship with them matter! It inspires me to be the best version of me.
Reminders that I appreciated seeing:
“You raised two great kids!” (They are great, and thanks for writing that Michael!)
“The perfect moment is this one.’
Others were so hilarious, intimate, and provocative that I would not publish them here, but would love to discuss them in a 1:1 conversation. Simply ask me!
The final one, a last single piece of blue paper, I opened, and it said:
A blue piece of paper with my sister Dawn’s handwritten note: “Have we told you lately that we love you? We love you!”
“Have we told you lately that we love you?
We love you!”
They have, but I can always benefit from hearing it again.
In December 2023, as they were making this, they had a vision that this would mean a lot to me. They had no clue if I would open them, when I would open them, what I would be dealing with when I did, or the impact these words would have on me. But they knew having regular injections of love and care was worth their time, and their effects would last. And they were right.
Then, as I started writing this blog post, I remembered a jar I had made myself. It felt like I made it another life ago, and I wondered what I had written inside.
I went downstairs, where I had since added it to a shelf as a sentimental decoration. Over the years, I have occasionally looked at it and remembered that it was filled with gratitude from the day I wrote it. A few times, I pulled a few out and smiled. I thought, "Well, that gratitude hits differently today.” I thought that was a positive, but it became a problematic pattern. But I knew these things sparked joy, and the younger me didn’t want to forget them.
I took the jar down.
I saw that I had started it 10 years ago on 1-1-2015. That gave me chills.
As I re-read them, I did find joy. Here are a few
1/17/2015: It was about Aiden, who was 10 years old at the time: “Aiden scored 4 points today at his basketball game. I love watching him play.”
Another was planning for Adia’s 16th birthday.
2/13/2015: A conference call led to a speaking opportunity that positively impacted my professional trajectory.
Dinner with friends
Memories of time with my Grandma Ward in the final months of her life. I knew I savored it, but there was proof!
2/8/2015: “Beautiful day celebrating Grandma Ward turning 93!”
9/18/2016 included the memory of when I had rushed over late one night after she fell to help her get up, and I noted how happy she was to see me. I wrote, “I know our days with her are limited, but they have been full of sweet moments!” Even that night, that shockingly ended with stepping over a copperhead while wearing Birkenstocks to get in. We didn’t find it until leaving, but it was just a scare, and the snake was handled.
2/17/2015: Interruptions I recognized as divine.
There were also reminders of the difficult circumstances I was facing and the moment that day that had helped me keep moving.
I could see my exhaustion in the words I wrote. 1/27/2015, sweet cuddles with Aiden and even a teenage Adia after a long, exhausting clinical and grant work day.
I heard the challenges I was navigating with co-parenting and blending families. Those moments that were documented felt like wins, but many other days, One day, I described it as a storm. Trying to weather.
3/10/2015: Exhausted words written to God that I know means I was pleading for peace and rest: “I am overwhelmed, but you are not.”
One final thing about words
Words lovingly spoken or written can help us endure suffering.
So, the fourth and final influence of words I have been considering is how words spoken lovingly can help us endure suffering and the adversity surrounding that suffering. Suffering does not turn off and on like a faucet, but we can do things to help our minds and bodies remember they are stronger than they know.
You are correct if you have noticed my blogs often include the theme of suffering. In my work and writing, I grapple with difficult experiences, including navigating new medical and psychiatric diagnoses, disability, death, divorce, and other elements of life. We must not ignore that suffering is a common experience we all have and will endure. And though it can look different from person to person, it always makes us wonder if we can survive. Your suffering may not be my suffering, but we both suffer.
This past year, I have heard myself repeating “eyes wide open” out loud to others on repeat. Followed by explanations like: “I hope you can see what it is, recognize how it is different than what you hoped, but know that it won’t break you.” Through this practice, they can gain more trust in their ability to discern for themselves and respond honestly to themselves and all others involved. That open, honest conversation with ourselves and others is oxygen. It has been for me, and I’m still trying to go deeper and become more open.
However, we don’t want to deny the reality of suffering, whether our own or others. When we do this, we all suffer more. Eyes wide open, but this suffering is still terrible, but it is not permanent.
You can make a jar for yourself or someone else.
Sometimes, long-form journaling is not right for our season, but a sentence on a piece of paper that you can see accumulated can help build a rhythm that will benefit you. You can read more about my journaling practice in a previous blog post that was not coincidentally entitled “Your Words Matter.”
It could be fun to make it a family thing.
I didn’t do that when mine were younger. Maybe I thought of it but was too exhausted.
I would have loved to read everything my family members were thankful for on a particular day.
It could be integrated into a dinner or bedtime routine.
If you need evidence, this could be beneficial beyond making your future happy – we have evidence that writing down or reflecting on three gratitudes (things you are grateful for) each day can significantly improve your happiness, mood, and overall well-being.
In some variation, I hope this is a practice we can all take forward and incorporate in some way.
And may we think intentionally about the words we use and the ones we surround ourselves with. At its core, filling our minds with truthful, positive, and purpose-affirming thoughts helps us be hopeful and able to be the best version of ourselves with the least suffering and the most incredible sense of purpose.
Thank you, Cole and Cadence, for the gift that lasted an entire year and will continue to echo in my mind and live on in this blog.
Thank you for the ways you love and spread joy.
You speak my love languages.
And you help me find the words to share with others.
Friend, I would love to hear what stood out to you here and what you are considering. Please share your thoughts in the comments below or on social media where we connect.
I look forward to continuing to communicate with you.
